A Crazy Times exclusive story
(Not to be taken seriously)In a desperate move to counter the growing threat from the Tea Party Movement, the Democratic top brass are finalizing details of a "Coffee Party Movement". A call to the Democratic Party HQ confirmed that this is imminent. Originally due to be launched on April 1 this year, it has been delayed by various amendments, and is expected to be operational within a month."While the Tea Party movement is associated with anti UK sentiment and is already damaging US-UK relations, our coffee initiative has no such connotations," said a representative, speaking on condition of anonymity. "On the other hand, coffee is associated with lively debate, as evidenced in the cafes of Europe-where people sit for hours over cups of java, while discussing politics and the Economy. This is great for the unemployed who can vent their frustration and while away the years till they get a job offer," he added."Further," he continued, "tea drinking is associated with the use of fine "China", a country with which we have an unfavorable trade balance. By contrast, in a move to Buy American, our Coffee party movement will utilize Dixie paper cups, giving a boost to our timber and paper industries."Meanwhile, Wall Street seems to be paying close attention to these developments. Our Finance correspondent reported heavy trading in coffee and paper goods related stocks. An unknown buyer purchased 3.9 billion shares of Folgers, while another scooped up 4.5 billion shares of paper manufacturer Georgia Pacific.In a related development out of Florida, a group of Assemblymen is drafting a Bill to declare Caffeine a controlled substance. According to their spokesperson "Caffeine addiction has reached endemic proportions and is now more widespread than the abuse of alcohol and heroine combined. Regrettably, employers tacitly and actively approve of this addiction, in a blatant attempt to exploit the labor class and squeeze more work out of their over-stimulated employees. We view this with great concern. Further, the growing abuse of caffeinated beverages is negatively impacting the consumption of Orange Juice and having a deleterious effect on Florida's economy, at a time when the State is already running an unprecedented Fiscal deficit. We are petitioning the Federal Government to ban caffeinated beverages, outlaw both Tea and Coffee Party movements, and allocate 1.5 Billion dollars from the Stimulus to fund an OJ Party Movement."(Mandatory Disclosure: This news correspondent has no financial interest in and does not own any stock in any of the coffee, tea, orange juice or paper producers mentioned in this report. He has received no promotional consideration for drafting this report.) [EXTRACT] One Crazy Times story, exclusive (Not to be taken seriously) In a desperate attempt to counter the growing threat of the Tea Party movement, the top Democrats are finalizing details of a "coffee party movement." A call to the Democratic Party headquarters confirmed that this is imminent. Originally launched on 1 April this year, has been delayed by various modifications, and is expected to be operational in a month. "While the Tea Party movement is associated with the feeling against the United Kingdom and is already damaging relations United States-United Kingdom, our initiative coffee has no such connotations," said one representative, speaking on condition of anonymity. "On the other hand, the coffee is associated with a lively discussion, as is evident in the cafes of Europe where people sit for hours over cups of coffee while discussing politics and the economy. This is great for the unemployed who can express their frustration and while away the years until a job offer, "he said." Besides, "he continued," Drinking tea is associated with the use of fine "China", a country with which have an unfavorable trade balance. By contrast, in an attempt to buy American, our movement of the coffee cups are used Dixie paper, giving a boost to our wood and paper. "Meanwhile, Wall Street seems to be paying close attention to these events. Our correspondent Finance reported heavy commercial coffee products and values related to the role. An unknown buyer purchased 3.9 billion shares of Folgers, while another picked up 4.5 million shares of papermaker Georgia Pacific.In out a Florida related development, a group of assembly is drafting a bill to declare a controlled substance caffeine. According to his spokesman "caffeine addiction has reached epidemic proportions and is now more widespread than abuse of alcohol and heroin together. Unfortunately, employers actively and tacitly agreed with this addiction, in a blatant attempt to exploit the kind of squeeze more work and the work of their employees over-stimulated. We see this with great concern. In addition, the increasing abuse of drinks with caffeine is negatively affecting the consumption of orange juice and have a detrimental effect on the economy of Florida, at a time when the state is already running an unprecedented fiscal deficit. We are asking the Federal Government to ban caffeinated beverages, prohibit the movement of coffee and tea party, and allocate $ 1.5 million stimulus for finance a Party movement DO "(Revelation compulsorily. This correspondent has no financial interest and has no file in any of the producers of coffee, tea, orange juice or paper mentioned in this report. He has received no promotional consideration for the preparation of this report.)
